I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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