I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
