Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
