I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You ruined the universe
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
