she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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