mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
