He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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