I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
