Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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