im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
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Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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