he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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