So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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