ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
