apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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