Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
