the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
