yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
