Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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