I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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