I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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