I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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