I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
