Don't you send me to vm
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
