Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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