I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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