My friends, they love my intelligence
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
the liver wants what the liver wants
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
