I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Randomize
