Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
