Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
