we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize