So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
