My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
