I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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