From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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