Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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