haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
