so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
