I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
