sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize