Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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