Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
