You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
