Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
