I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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