my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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