I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
