who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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