cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
sarcasm needs its own font
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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