why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Can you bring me the toilet please
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
