I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i out mim tonsoeep
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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