If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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