): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
