i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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