he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
