Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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