how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
