I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
