Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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