We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize