You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
